Polygamy Porter

Brew: Polygamy Porter  "Why Have Just One!"
Brewer: Wasatch Brew Pub and Brewery, Park City, Utah
Style: American Porter
ABV: 4.0%


Okay.

Okay.  ... A Polygamy Porter?!  CLEARLY I purchased a six pack of this brew within the first 7 hours of my arrival in Albuquerque.


I landed at ABQ, rented my car, started to drive toward the rental house, and promptly got distracted by a sign on the interstate for Rio Grande Nature Center.  Anyway, after a 3-hour sidetrack at the park, I met up with the wedding party at a yummy restaurant in Albuquerque, had lunch and then made a trip to Sunflower Farmers Market to stock op on food for the weekend.


I, of course, promptly made my way to the back of the store to check out the local beer selection. I... LOVE travelling out west.  One, because there are mountains (duh), and two, because I can get all sorts of brews (delicious, west coast brews) that I can't find in Tampa.  While browsing the beer section (in which I, thrillingly, didn't recognize half of the brewers), I happened upon... this.  This sweet, polygamous nectar, straight from the Mormon capital of the world: Salt Lake City, Utah.  Which would explain, as a porter, it is only 4.0% ABV (apparently, no beer in Utah can be brewed above this percentage).


My decision was swift and certain.  Why would I NOT purchase this beer?!  First and foremost, it is called Polygamy Porter.  Um, not short of brilliant.  And secondly, IT IS BREWED IN DAMN UTAH FOR CHRISSAKE!


But really.  Let's get down to biznaz.


Upon opening this brew, I saw that it poured a nice, deep brown, that displayed a beautiful garnet shine in the middle of the beer when I held it up to the porch window and let the last rays of the desert sun penetrate the glass. And pleasingly, the beer in the corners of the pilsner glinted with a nut-brown color.  I have never seen such an interesting color combination in a beer before -- and in a porter, of all things!


And the head of the beer is amazing!  I mean, just look at the picture. At least two inches of light, fluffy, chocolatey cotton candy. And, as I drink it, it has left a really romantic ecru lacing around the inside of my glass -- reminiscent of the aerial view of the brambles of pinyon pine scattered across the dusty desert landscape that I observed as I landed in the city early this morning.


The smell is really quite delicious. Dark malts, chocolate (milk, not dark), and caramel. Standard delicious combination of smells for a porter.  One review said it smelled faintly of tobacco, and upon further sniffing, I find that I agree.


As for the taste -- it is, to be fair, nothing to sing about.  It is a porter, certainly, but all the normal porter characteristics that you might have are simply subdued and kind of leave you wishing for a richer, deeper, more complex taste. That being said -- it is not a bad beer! It is a tasty porter. Just not inspiring.  There are burnt notes in the taste, and some nice caramel.


The mouthfeel is also uninspiring, sadly.  Again, not bad! But a bit watery. I'd likes some chewiness or more carbonation. 


The Polygamy Porter, overall, is actually a very drinkable beer. I mean, it is a 4.0% ABV brew! It's a really light porter; the water used to make it is clearly crisp and clean. That, in combination with its low ABV, make it an excellent brew for first-time porter drinkers who need to start easy. ...Really, why have just one?

Cheers!  To love.  All love.

Woodchuck Pumpkin Cider... no thanks.

Brew: Woodchuck Hard Pumpkin Cider
Brewer: Woodchuck Cidery, Middlebury, VT
Style: Cider
ABV: 6.9%

So.  Woodchuck.  I am not impressed.  I am not blown away.  I am not overwhelmed.  I am simply... whelmed.  This cider is yucky.

I bought like 20 different kinds of pumpkin brews a few days ago, because if I'm going to have to endure the month of October, I'm going to do it drunkenly and with pumpkin-flavored things.  I love Woodchuck's other ciders, so when I saw that they'd made a very limited number of barrels of a hard pumpkin cider, I danced a little jig and bought a sixer.

SO SAD!  It is just not good.  =(  It is, however, the first pumpkin cider EVER (according to this website, anyway).  Upon discovering that information I became less opposed to it.  I mean, the first incarnation of anything kinda sucks, right?  Eeesh.

Okay here we go:

Appearance:  Beautiful.  The brew has a darker, orangey tint to it that the normal ciders do not exhibit.
Smell:  Overly-sweet cider.  I don't pick up pumpkin.

Taste:  ...Overly-sweet cider.  I don't pick up pumpkin.  Eh.  In fact, it leaves a syrupy sweet aftertaste/coating on the back of my tongue that is just unpleasant.

Mouthfeel:  I mean you know.  It's fine.  It's like any other cider's mouthfeel.

Overall/Drinkability:  Okay well I have five more of these now sitting in my fridge.  Does someone want one?

Orchard White

Beer: Orchard White

Brewer: The Bruery, Placentia, CA (in Orange County)
Style: Witbier
ABV: 5.70%

Sometimes I just scribble beer reviews onto scraps of napkins or jot notes down in my over-privileged leather bound journal.  I had forgotten that I scribbled a review of The Bruery's Orchard White beer in my journal back in August, when I was having dinner at Mr. Dunderbak's one night.  I didn't date the entry but it's located between the August 9th and August 17th entries.

The brew was on tap at Dunderbak's and I asked our bartender, Clayton, if he recommended it.  He gave me a quick little description of the beer that apparently appealed to me. I was sold, and I ordered a pint.

Here are my notes:

"I ordered this beer because I liked that the tap was a piece of wood.  No really, it just looks like a piece of drift wood.

When Clayton poured it, it looked like champagne.  A beautiful light golden color with a coating of tiny bubbles strewn across the inside of the glass with a nice frothy top. And of course, it came in a goblet; my favorite."

When I sniffed it, I was actually a  little disappointed, as it reminded me a little of a perfume, light and almost soapy.

And then I took the first sip, and any misgivings that I had were immediately put to rest. Somehow this beer manages to exhibit a plethora of unique spices yet still maintain the daintiest, lightest, most summery-fae feeling I might have ever had in a beer before. It tastes a bit like heaven, like maybe this is manna in liquid form reigning down from god above to the mortals here in Tampa.  =)  It tastes like sun, it tastes like the beach, it tastes like the Mediterranean. Like I should be having a fresh date or a roll of baklava with it. It tastes like a cornucopia.

Clayton told me that it was brewed with lemon peel, orange peel, lemongrass (nod, nod, okay yes... but what else?), and... lavender!  Yes, this is the herb of the gods.  Why wouldn't I have tasted that the first time around? It reminds me of my family, life, love, and death. There it is.  Lavender. I can smell it now, before I even taste it.  And it shows up sweetly in my aftertaste.

And... is that a clove?  A mild clove - a clove cigarette - to give a sweet little buzz while coating the inside of my mouth.

This tastes like an entire garden of herbs in delicious, beery, alcoholic form.  This is the beer of gods; it takes you above, it takes you home.

And it just keeps getting better as it reaches room temperature. The flavors reach my tongue more easily, the herbs present themselves more boldly, and it takes me to my zen more quickly."

I have had this brew a couple more times since then.  I love it just as much every time.  It is easily the most bizarre witbier I have ever had.  Very crisp and clear; I never see any sediment floating around. And the herbs that it is brewed with are so unique.  I've never had lemongrass or lavender brewed directly into a beer.  And the mouthfeel is so different than a normal wheat!  I described that first pour off the tap as looking a bit like champagne, and honestly, it feels like a champagne, too.  It is so bubbly. 

This beer gets varying reviews online, some people really dislike it, a couple of people really dig it, and most people seem to give it a B or a C.  I think it's lovely, and the reasons that I like it seem to be all the reasons why other people don't.  But I've never claimed Beer Snobbery, only Beer Enthusiasm.

Oops!

I've been drinking WINE.  Little did I know... I liked it.


And now I need to keep track of which ones I dig and don't dig quite as much.  And since I really don't feel like making an entirely new blog for that purpose, I'm just going to keep up with it right huurrr.


One day last week (Wednesday?  Thursday?  Tuesday, maybe? What year are we in?  ...Is this real life?), I had Apothica Red, a blended wine.  From their website:  "A captivating blend of three distinct grapes, with the dark fruit flavors of Syrah, brambly spice of Zinfandel, and a smooth elegance of Merlot.  Apothic Red reveals intense fruit aromas and flavors of rhubarb and black cherry that are complemented by hints of mocha, chocolate, brown spice and vanilla. The plush, velvety mouthfeel and smooth finish round out this intriguing, full-bodied red blend."  So um, I didn't really catch pretty much any of that (damn my heathen beer-appreciating taste buds!), but I really dug it.  It made that little spot where your jaw connects kind of tingle.  Plus it just tasted good.  I give it a... plus.  (I don't know what sort of rating system is in place for wines).  And in retrospect, maybe I did pick up some of that black cherry and mocha.  


Then Friday night, I had a bottle of Fat Bastard Chardonnay.  I wish I could admit to making a typo there, and apologize for accidentally saying "bottle" instead of "glass,"  but um, there is no typo.  I drank an entire bottle.  I'll admit, I didn't even find it all that incredible, it's just that JP put a wine cozy on the bottle about halfway through the night, and that's when things went all wrong.  (I need a much more accurate system of keeping track of the amount of alcohol I'm consuming).  Anyway, you know what, I did like the wine.  The website said it's supposed to have white flower aromas (that just sounds like chrysanthemum tea), and a toasty after taste.  Once again, I didn't really catch those things. And once again, I attribute it to my lack of a wine palette.  I'll get there.  Either way, it tasted good.  Good enough that I drank the entire bottle, apparently.


And tonight (Monday, of course), I've opened a bottle of Trinity Oaks Pinot Noir.  Look, I'm not gonna lie -- I bought it because they said they'd plant a tree for every bottle purchased.  I'm a damn hippie.  Anyway, I should have already been suspicious due to the fact that on the back of the bottle, where the description of the wine normally resides, it just talked about the tree they were going to plant.  *sigh*  It's an okay wine.  Actually -- maybe it's an awesome wine; that's the thing -- I have no idea.  I just know that I personally do not prefer this.  The tannin content is too high and it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.  But at least I have a bottle with trees on the front of it now.  That'll look nice in the collection of bottle lining my kitchen cabinets.

BrewDog Dogma Ale

Brewer: BrewDog Brewery, Scotland
Beer Name: Dogma
Style: Ale
ABV: 7.8%

A picture of this beer and its bottle are coming soon.  As of now, they are on a memory card floating around somewhere in Sweden.

I bought this beer months ago from the Whole Foods Market in South Tampa, but I bought the 660 mL bottle, so it's huge, which is why it took me so long to drink (I needed to find a drinking buddy).  I bought it because it's brewed in Scotland ("If it's not Scottish, it's crrrrap!"), and because the bottle said it was brewed with Scottish heather honey (amazing), kola nut, poppy seed, and guarana (I don't even know what that is).

Anyway, I finally got around to popping it open last week. The review I wrote was short, and scribbled on a piece of scrap paper, because I started drinking it just before I sat down to eat a delicious dinner!  Which, of course, was taking priority over writing a proper review of this beer.

"Nice head, 1/2 inch or more. Cloudy, I don't see it settling; I can't see through the glass by any means.  Thank you, bottle-conditioning!

The smell reminds me of Christmas; the smell could pass for a winter seasonal brew, with its deep notes of bread pudding and sweet raisins.

Spectacular mouthfeel! So smooth.  Yes, I do taste the honey, but this has way more hops in the aftertaste that I expected -- maybe even slightly too bitter for my palette. I know it says ale but for some reason I was expecting a wheat. But really, this is a super yummy beer.  Not too sweet, not too bitter. I'd drink this with a nice chicken dish or at a summer barbeque."

It was a good beer with an interesting taste, but I don't think I'll buy it again.  Not because it was bad by any means; I just don't think it was up my alley.  But I'm looking forward to trying whatever other brews by BrewDog I can find here in the States.

Because Beer Brings Us Together, That's Why

We can't agree on collective bargaining rights, we can't agree on public funding, and we can't agree on high speed rails.  But god dammit, we can agree on beer.  And that's what makes us American.

And now, I have even more reason to become a craft brewer.

Watch out, Dogfish Head, I'm coming.  (As soon as I get tired of being an environmental consultant).

Brewz Crewz 2011, Lakeland, Florida

Apologies for the lack of recent updates!  But you get TWO WHOLE blog entries this afternoon, and each one contains multiple beer reviews.  Or at least multiple beer mentions.  Whatever.  The main point is that I drank a lot of beer the past couple of weeks.

Last year, my forestry professor invited me and a bunch of the forestry students out to the Brewz Crewz in Lakeland, Florida.  Despite its unfortunate name (and despite that fact that it took place in Lakeland of all places; Christ!), I forked out the $35 with the promise that I'd get unlimited beer samples from a wide range of beer vendors, many of them Florida brewers.  I was not disappointed!  Besides all that, I got a bunch of free food, too.  Oh, and I even got a free cigar, but that was simply due to my wily charms when it comes to older rich men.

Anyway, when the Brewz Crewz rolled around this year, I was of course set on going.  The event was two weekends ago (February 19th), and I bought tickets for myself and two of my girl friends from Gainesville.  Due to a pregnant horse giving birth, they were unable to make the drive down from the 'ville and I found myself with three tickets to the festival about four hours before it started.  However!  I was fortunately able to finagle my friends Clay and Sarah into coming with me (but really -- with the promise of free beer and free food... it wasn't that difficult).

Now.  I brought a notebook with me to make note of which beers I enjoyed and which ones sucked.  What I should have done was sit down at my computer the next morning and immediately translated my progressively incoherent babble into blog format.  However, I obviously didn't do that, and now my then-clear notes look like a bunch of drunken scribbles.  Oh wait -- that's exactly what they are.

Let's begin:

Beer 1:  Amber Beer from Palm Brewing (I don't know where this was brewed; they have like a bazillion breweries). 
Not-yet-drunken notes:  "Meh, I'd drink this at a summer bbq but it wasn't something amazing.  Not exactly complex.  Nice and light."  
Translation: This tasted like bud light.

Beer 2:  Red Ale from Orlando Brewing Company (Orlando, FL)
Not-yet-drunken notes:  None.  I was too busy talking to the owner.
Translation:  THIS BEER IS AWESOME.  Okay, well -- the beer itself wasn't exactly mindblowing, but it was really good.  The cool thing about this brewery is that it's totally organic.  It is, in fact, Florida's only certified organic brewery.  Kudos.

Beer 3: Milk Stout from Left Hand Brewing Company (Longmont, CO)
Not-yet-drunken notes:  None.  I've had this beer several times and apparently didn't see a need to write about it.
Translation:  YUM. Come on, it's called a Milk Stout.  It has to be good.

Beer 4: Longfellow Winter Ale from Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME)
Getting-a-buzz notes:  "CJ - black IPA."
Translation:  Clay, who attended the festival with me, mentioned that he thought this tasted like a black IPA.  I think that's what that my note means anyway.  I just remember talking about black IPAs when we tried this beer.  I don't even know what a black IPA is.

Beer 5: Prelude Special Ale from Shipyard Brewing Company (Portland, ME)
Getting-a-buzz notes:  "A little metallic in its aftertaste.  Dark and floral."
Translation:  *rolls eyes*  That is so vague.  I have no idea what this tasted like.

Beer 6: Jai Alai IPA from Cigar City Brewing (Tampa, FL)
Getting-a-buzz notes: "Now for an IPA it's good, but don't we all know that I don't like IPAs!  It's not too overwhelming.  But I mean everything from CCB is so good anyway."
Translation:  None needed.  The beer's good, ya'll.

Beer 7:  Porter from Red Brick Brewing (Atlanta, GA)
I-shouldn't-be-driving notes:  "Possibly the lightest porter I've ever had.  Good!  Not my fave but hey I like southeastern breweries."
Translation:  Uuhhh, possibly the lightest porter I've ever had.  Red Brick is a good brewery but they aren't superb.  However, as my drunken notes stated, I dig southeastern breweries.  And I usually have a Red Brick when I visit home in Birmingham.

Beer 8: Brown Ale (?) from Terrapin Beer Company (Athens, GA)
Okay-I'm-drunk notes:  "Yes well it tastes like a brown IPA.  Actually it's better toward the end."
Translation:  It tastes better toward the end?  The end of what?  The end of the sip?  The end of the beer itself?  None of that makes any sense.  I don't even know if it's a brown ale or an IPA.  I can't find either on Terrapin's website.

Beer 9: Turbodog Dark Brown Ale from Abita Beer (Abita Springs, LA)
Drunken notes:  "Sweet chocolate toffee flavor.  Oh my god this is phenomenal.  It tastes like dessert!"
Translation:  All of that is true.  It's amazing.

Beer 10: Strawberry Harvest Lager from Abita Beer (Abita Springs, LA)
Drunken notes:  "Okay this tastes like a strawberry cookie.  I want this everyday."
Translation:  This beer tastes like a light lager with strawberry flavoring. I don't actually want it everyday.

Beer 11:  French Saison from Southern Brewing (Tampa, FL)
Drunken notes:  "I am sad this isn't in stores it's my fave so far!  Sour and beautiful."
Translation:  Okay, Southern Brewing is not actually a brewery.  It a beer and wine brewing supply store in Tampa, and it's actually about 10 minutes from my house.  Anyway, they made about four brews and brought them to the festival.  The French Saison, though I took atrociously vague notes on it, was excellent.  It was a wheat beer and it was perfectly sour.  I loved it.

Beer 12:  Cookies and Cream from Southern Brewing (Tampa, FL)
Drunken notes:  "This was run through actual cookies and cream.  Okay.  I take it back.  The Fr Saison is not my fave THIS ONE IS!  This tastes basically like fermented cookies and cream."
Translation:  Even though it sounds like I drunkenly made it up -- it's true:  They had this one on tap and they were actually running the beer through crushed up oreos or something.  It was ridiculous.  I loved it.  And it probably was actually my favorite beer that night.

Beer 13:  Berry Cider from Ace (Sebastopol, CA)
Drunken notes:  "Basically it's like Woodchuck Cider but with berries.  I approve."
Translation:  Thaaat about sums it up, actually.  Cider's cool; whatevs.

Beer 14:  Special Golden Ale from Holy Mackerel (Ft. Lauderdale, FL to Greenville, SC)
Drunken notes:  None.  I have no recollection of drinking this beer.
Translation:  According to the review on Holy Mackerel's website, this seems like a beer I'd really like.  ;-)

Beer 15:  Mack N Black from Holy Mackerel (Ft. Lauderdale, FL to Greenville, SC)
Drunken notes:  "I only want"
Translation:  Apparently, I really enjoyed this beer.


Boom!  Fifteen beers in one evening. I think I did pretty well.  (Now it may be good to note that these were all four ounce samples.  Otherwise my lightweight self would have been admitted to Tampa General for alcohol poisoning).