Polygamy Porter

Brew: Polygamy Porter  "Why Have Just One!"
Brewer: Wasatch Brew Pub and Brewery, Park City, Utah
Style: American Porter
ABV: 4.0%


Okay.

Okay.  ... A Polygamy Porter?!  CLEARLY I purchased a six pack of this brew within the first 7 hours of my arrival in Albuquerque.


I landed at ABQ, rented my car, started to drive toward the rental house, and promptly got distracted by a sign on the interstate for Rio Grande Nature Center.  Anyway, after a 3-hour sidetrack at the park, I met up with the wedding party at a yummy restaurant in Albuquerque, had lunch and then made a trip to Sunflower Farmers Market to stock op on food for the weekend.


I, of course, promptly made my way to the back of the store to check out the local beer selection. I... LOVE travelling out west.  One, because there are mountains (duh), and two, because I can get all sorts of brews (delicious, west coast brews) that I can't find in Tampa.  While browsing the beer section (in which I, thrillingly, didn't recognize half of the brewers), I happened upon... this.  This sweet, polygamous nectar, straight from the Mormon capital of the world: Salt Lake City, Utah.  Which would explain, as a porter, it is only 4.0% ABV (apparently, no beer in Utah can be brewed above this percentage).


My decision was swift and certain.  Why would I NOT purchase this beer?!  First and foremost, it is called Polygamy Porter.  Um, not short of brilliant.  And secondly, IT IS BREWED IN DAMN UTAH FOR CHRISSAKE!


But really.  Let's get down to biznaz.


Upon opening this brew, I saw that it poured a nice, deep brown, that displayed a beautiful garnet shine in the middle of the beer when I held it up to the porch window and let the last rays of the desert sun penetrate the glass. And pleasingly, the beer in the corners of the pilsner glinted with a nut-brown color.  I have never seen such an interesting color combination in a beer before -- and in a porter, of all things!


And the head of the beer is amazing!  I mean, just look at the picture. At least two inches of light, fluffy, chocolatey cotton candy. And, as I drink it, it has left a really romantic ecru lacing around the inside of my glass -- reminiscent of the aerial view of the brambles of pinyon pine scattered across the dusty desert landscape that I observed as I landed in the city early this morning.


The smell is really quite delicious. Dark malts, chocolate (milk, not dark), and caramel. Standard delicious combination of smells for a porter.  One review said it smelled faintly of tobacco, and upon further sniffing, I find that I agree.


As for the taste -- it is, to be fair, nothing to sing about.  It is a porter, certainly, but all the normal porter characteristics that you might have are simply subdued and kind of leave you wishing for a richer, deeper, more complex taste. That being said -- it is not a bad beer! It is a tasty porter. Just not inspiring.  There are burnt notes in the taste, and some nice caramel.


The mouthfeel is also uninspiring, sadly.  Again, not bad! But a bit watery. I'd likes some chewiness or more carbonation. 


The Polygamy Porter, overall, is actually a very drinkable beer. I mean, it is a 4.0% ABV brew! It's a really light porter; the water used to make it is clearly crisp and clean. That, in combination with its low ABV, make it an excellent brew for first-time porter drinkers who need to start easy. ...Really, why have just one?

Cheers!  To love.  All love.

Woodchuck Pumpkin Cider... no thanks.

Brew: Woodchuck Hard Pumpkin Cider
Brewer: Woodchuck Cidery, Middlebury, VT
Style: Cider
ABV: 6.9%

So.  Woodchuck.  I am not impressed.  I am not blown away.  I am not overwhelmed.  I am simply... whelmed.  This cider is yucky.

I bought like 20 different kinds of pumpkin brews a few days ago, because if I'm going to have to endure the month of October, I'm going to do it drunkenly and with pumpkin-flavored things.  I love Woodchuck's other ciders, so when I saw that they'd made a very limited number of barrels of a hard pumpkin cider, I danced a little jig and bought a sixer.

SO SAD!  It is just not good.  =(  It is, however, the first pumpkin cider EVER (according to this website, anyway).  Upon discovering that information I became less opposed to it.  I mean, the first incarnation of anything kinda sucks, right?  Eeesh.

Okay here we go:

Appearance:  Beautiful.  The brew has a darker, orangey tint to it that the normal ciders do not exhibit.
Smell:  Overly-sweet cider.  I don't pick up pumpkin.

Taste:  ...Overly-sweet cider.  I don't pick up pumpkin.  Eh.  In fact, it leaves a syrupy sweet aftertaste/coating on the back of my tongue that is just unpleasant.

Mouthfeel:  I mean you know.  It's fine.  It's like any other cider's mouthfeel.

Overall/Drinkability:  Okay well I have five more of these now sitting in my fridge.  Does someone want one?

Orchard White

Beer: Orchard White

Brewer: The Bruery, Placentia, CA (in Orange County)
Style: Witbier
ABV: 5.70%

Sometimes I just scribble beer reviews onto scraps of napkins or jot notes down in my over-privileged leather bound journal.  I had forgotten that I scribbled a review of The Bruery's Orchard White beer in my journal back in August, when I was having dinner at Mr. Dunderbak's one night.  I didn't date the entry but it's located between the August 9th and August 17th entries.

The brew was on tap at Dunderbak's and I asked our bartender, Clayton, if he recommended it.  He gave me a quick little description of the beer that apparently appealed to me. I was sold, and I ordered a pint.

Here are my notes:

"I ordered this beer because I liked that the tap was a piece of wood.  No really, it just looks like a piece of drift wood.

When Clayton poured it, it looked like champagne.  A beautiful light golden color with a coating of tiny bubbles strewn across the inside of the glass with a nice frothy top. And of course, it came in a goblet; my favorite."

When I sniffed it, I was actually a  little disappointed, as it reminded me a little of a perfume, light and almost soapy.

And then I took the first sip, and any misgivings that I had were immediately put to rest. Somehow this beer manages to exhibit a plethora of unique spices yet still maintain the daintiest, lightest, most summery-fae feeling I might have ever had in a beer before. It tastes a bit like heaven, like maybe this is manna in liquid form reigning down from god above to the mortals here in Tampa.  =)  It tastes like sun, it tastes like the beach, it tastes like the Mediterranean. Like I should be having a fresh date or a roll of baklava with it. It tastes like a cornucopia.

Clayton told me that it was brewed with lemon peel, orange peel, lemongrass (nod, nod, okay yes... but what else?), and... lavender!  Yes, this is the herb of the gods.  Why wouldn't I have tasted that the first time around? It reminds me of my family, life, love, and death. There it is.  Lavender. I can smell it now, before I even taste it.  And it shows up sweetly in my aftertaste.

And... is that a clove?  A mild clove - a clove cigarette - to give a sweet little buzz while coating the inside of my mouth.

This tastes like an entire garden of herbs in delicious, beery, alcoholic form.  This is the beer of gods; it takes you above, it takes you home.

And it just keeps getting better as it reaches room temperature. The flavors reach my tongue more easily, the herbs present themselves more boldly, and it takes me to my zen more quickly."

I have had this brew a couple more times since then.  I love it just as much every time.  It is easily the most bizarre witbier I have ever had.  Very crisp and clear; I never see any sediment floating around. And the herbs that it is brewed with are so unique.  I've never had lemongrass or lavender brewed directly into a beer.  And the mouthfeel is so different than a normal wheat!  I described that first pour off the tap as looking a bit like champagne, and honestly, it feels like a champagne, too.  It is so bubbly. 

This beer gets varying reviews online, some people really dislike it, a couple of people really dig it, and most people seem to give it a B or a C.  I think it's lovely, and the reasons that I like it seem to be all the reasons why other people don't.  But I've never claimed Beer Snobbery, only Beer Enthusiasm.